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♥ Sunday, October 31, 2010

I WONT BE EMO NOW COZ I HAVE AYU :D <3

never ever letting you go ): Y

4:45 PM


♥ Sunday, January 3, 2010

yesterday night was hell.
the whole night i was dreaming of.. her.
i can remember everything so clearly.
everything was as normal.
dreams are dreams.
they never come true.
its amazing how many dreams a night can have.

i have to forget. because somebody has already forgotten.

never ever letting you go ): Y

11:21 AM


♥ Tuesday, December 29, 2009

as i went thru my cupboard. looking for a shirt to change into.
i saw the t shirt that she drew for me. she had one too. but we had never wore it together before.
i took out the t shirt and stoned there for a while.
all the <3>
hais. can all forget it.

i guess she's jus waiting for me to say it.
cos she wouldnt want to be the one to dump me.
but hey. thanks. u noe how i feel right now?

great. have fun

never ever letting you go ): Y

11:26 PM



i made myself happy. with what i heard from her yesterday.
i thought things were going to return back to normal.
but seems like it was as simple as i thought.

hopefully she fell asleep. and she didn't saw my msn. thats why she didn't reply me.
or she's jus bathing. im thinking too much. hais.

or maybe... im fat hoping that she will come back to me.. hais.

i really want her back by my side...
in these 4 days, i've lost my appetite for anything.. and i've lost 2kg.
i wish she was here.. :(

i dont wanna do this anymore..
still hoping for a miracle..
hais.

iloveyou...

never ever letting you go ): Y

12:46 AM


♥ Saturday, December 26, 2009

now that i know it was me who cause you to change, what exactly did i do?
what could be so devastating that made u gave up all the times we spend for the past almost 2 years? im just dying to find out.

i thought you knew how much pain i was suffering.
i thought you cared about me.
just when i thought we were going to last.

i feel like killing myself right now. i cant take anymore of this.

what am i supposed to do now?
what is this now?
what are we?
nothing?

i prayed for 2 days. hoping you would come back. but things arent looking good now.
i really wish we could talk it out... i've lost everything. my soul, my heart. even my appetite. im looking down on the floor wherever i went.

can you pls... tell me? i beg you...

never ever letting you go ): Y

4:29 PM


♥ Friday, December 25, 2009

1 years 8 months 22 days. the clock has stopped.
moments after the clock struck 12, christmas has arrived. and so did the end.
i gave up. she won. speaking of which, when did i ever win? i was always the one giving in. now it backfired. cant blame her in anyways. its all in my part. itp brought the distance further and further away. and soon the reception was lost.
its amazing how much things could change within 24 hours. or maybe it was longer before, but she didn't show any signs. although i can feel it, i kept lying to myself just to make myself fall asleep. actually it's been one whole week. ever since she had that unlimited sms thing, there were things wrong. yesterday night i walked her home, everything was as per normal. but i couldn't feel her there anymore.
i've got so much things to say, if only i could just attach my heart into this post, then u can see entirely how i feel.
bought a xmas present for her last week, preparing to give it to her. its the first time giving something to her was that difficult. i finally did it after so many persuasion to give me a minute. thought she would like it. but im not so sure now.
i've learnt a lot this 1 year and 8 months. i've learnt that "forever" doesnt really mean forever. its all lies. which broke my heart. the scar will be there forever. i will never forget.
looking at my wallpaper on my phone just now, decided to have a change. looked through the default wallpapers and nothing interested me. so on the train, i give my photo library a look. i couldn't bear to see it at all. 90% of the photos has her in the meaning of it. as i scrolled slowly down, tears start to build up. i had a glance of what we have been through the past year. her birthday, valentine's day, even some random shots of her wearing formal in school was also inside. im wrecked. i couldn't pick any of them. i just couldn't. all the memories we had, all there, and now, they have become memories. memories that i shall never forget. the day we wore until so nice to go to east coast park was unforgettable. and the photo album for her birthday present is probably just junk to her now. i was even thinking about continuing the album. looks like i can forget it already.
the fond memories that we had. the first lunch with her mum. the first dinner with my mum. the hugs we had when she didn't wanna go to work. and the morning that started everything. 03/04/08. all these, and many more, will not be erased from my mind, until the day i die. it hurts when i have to fall so hard on my first time in love. i've realised how much pain people have suffered. all the time i spend tell her how much i love her. its all being thrown into the bin.
the way we talked on the phone every night. even though there's nothing much to talk about, it was fun to talk about absolutely nothing at all. now everynight i will have to pretend to call myself and go to sleep. i cant sleep without giving her a call.
for once i wish she would know how i feel. being a boyfriend whose girlfriend is at some other guy's house taking a nap. so many other things. i feel i had no control over my girlfriend at all. she knows that we r breaking apart, but why is it that she doesn't look like she gives a damn? nobody will know how bad that feels. behaves everything like normal, but in reality, nothing is normal. its too late now i guess..
as im typing, im hoping that things will turn around. i still dont wanna lose her.. :( my worst nightmare has come true. hais.

im really tired. tired of trying all i can this entire week. there's so much more for me to say. but i need some sleep. i'll continue tommorrow.

wishinguponastar,makeusbackthewayweare.
我会学着放弃你 , 是因为我太爱你
=============


never ever letting you go ): Y

1:30 PM



(seems like cannot continue from the previous post, post a new one to continue)

today its christmas. i woke up with wet pillows and blurry eyes. i wish i could just sleep forever, now that she's gone. i had no aim to wake up in the morning for. usually i will wake up thinking of her and then jump out of bed happily. but its no longer the same anymore.
my plans for next week is useless now. had actually wanted to accompany her after her work everyday. now looks like its not my job anymore.
i could still vividly remember the way she treated me on the night of christmas eve. my presence to her was extra. which made her turn into bad mood. i still dont know why im still so concerned over her. even till now. so i just left, seeing that she will be happier with him.

during my sleep yesterday, i was thinking of so many things. all the times we spend together. i cant believe that they are just gone like that. what a nice way to end this thing. i will always miss the time we spend together. i will remember the first moment that my feelings came out was her lying on my shoulder while doing our mathematics project in 2007/08. i still remember jan was our last member. but at that time where was he? haha.. memorable indeed.
this blog was started solely for the reason for expressing my feeling for her. on the janauary of 2008. the days during then was the direct opposite of what im suffering today. i feel so much more pain than then. if just looking the the month, this blog is 2 years old already. looks like the whole journey ended here.
i left yesterday night because i want her to have a happy christmas. i dont want her to be so down because of me. so i took the pain and walked away. just hoping to bring a smile to her face. without me around, she will definitely be happier.

there's one thing i really want to know. why is she behaving this way? i hope one day she will tell me. she keeps pretending nothing is wrong, it makes me very fished up. maybe i did somthing wrong. or maybe her feeling for me jus faded.
santa claus didn't visit me this christmas. i didn't get anything good. all i get is this suffocating feeling. the way she pretended, was choking. next time she wans to do it, she should just say it to the face and stop avoiding.
im still thinking about the last kiss we had. was it even a kiss? it was only 24 hours ago. it was all fake? the way she held my hand. was it also fake? now i don't know whats real anymore. i can't believe they were all lies. i didn't know she was such a good heart breaker. i thought she was afraid i was the one letting her go. but it turned out to be the other way.

im jus a geek. who studies and stays in front of my laptop everyday. how can be compared? probably im no longer the kind of guy that she is interested in.
memories just kept flashing in my mind. i dare not to even go out of my room. tears might just suddenly burst out from my eyes. if i go out, i will see the pig that i've caught for her. and what happen to the times we spend trying to catch dolls that she liked. looks like she jus found someone better.
so what am i supposed to do with all the pictures of me and her in my picture folder? im looking at the picture of the nicest flowers i bought for her. together with 3 rochers. and the only time we wore a couple tee. looks like there wont be a second time. hey look, its her hamsters. wonder how they're doing. i rmb the time when im so afraid of them. haha..
the sweet sweet love i will never forget. the first "love" message she sent me. i remember it clearly i was in toapayoh library doing project with yu and khee. and this is the message : "Loves <3".>all the iloveyou you said to me. i will keep them in my heart. no one has ever loved me so much before. looks like now the special one for me has left me. i've lost my directions. where do i go next? i wish she was still here. now im broken into pieces. normally i wont give up so easily. but the way she treat me like invisible is too hurting for me to handle. now you wanna be free, and i'll let you fly. you'll always be a part of me. you'll always be my baby. even though in ur heart its not at all. just hoping someday you will come back. :(

i miss the times where u would call me names. from assdumb to all kind of names that you think suited me. i will miss the times where u call me bibi~ bibi~. it makes me so happy. all the touching moments i have had with you. seemed all so far away. the headset you bought for me, everytime i use it, i will remember the days we had. the psp you got for me, i will always rmb the amount of trouble we spent trying to settle that situation.

been practicing my guitar. learning the song an jing. hoping someday i can sing it to you. its not possible now. as i play the song. jus looking at the lyrics makes me cry. hais. now totally no mood for anything. pls come back... :'(

yesterday night i walked home alone. took small steps. no point going fast. she's not going to be online. stared up into the night sky. there were stars. reminded me of the promise that one night, she will be with me lying on the ground looking at the sky. it never did happen. promises are jus meant to be broken. maybe this kind of happiness is just not meant for me.

i usually did not have any control. now when i tried to take control, everything get screwed. i dont know. but ever since you have been with him, you've changed. who noes what he fed u with. i dont know who u r anymore. i miss the old you . hais.

take my hand never let go. but u let go-ed.
hais. she's gone. im left with my bone.
yin wei wo tai ai ni..

never ever letting you go ): Y

11:06 AM


♥ Wednesday, December 23, 2009

im too frikking soft. now all i can do is jus watch.
hais.
the love is so fragile.
one small thing and it will break.
thats why i cant do anything.
if i stop u, ... i noe what will happen. i dun wan that to happen.
hais.
i dont know what to do.
i just hope u could put urself in my shoes.
i tot u knew how i feel.
cos the same thing happen to u. and i stopped.
now things have taken a change.
now who cares?
i feel frikking f-ed up right now.
hais.
i dunno what i should do.. :(


whathappentothatlovewehadonninthaugusttwoohohnine? :'(

never ever letting you go ): Y

10:56 PM


♥ Monday, December 21, 2009

nothing was here.

never ever letting you go ): Y

7:46 AM


♥ Sunday, December 20, 2009

ming tian hui gen hao :)

never ever letting you go ): Y

10:32 PM



nothing was here

never ever letting you go ): Y

11:45 AM


♥ Wednesday, December 16, 2009

today darling pang gang le dint sms me anymore.. hais.. idk wad happen. darling bad mood. or maybe its not?

i cant concentrate at all. cant do work
so many thoughts going thru my mind.
is she on the way home? or...
hais i so no mood now. at work.
idk wad happen.
i jus wanna noe.
wad should i do?

hais.

never ever letting you go ): Y

3:25 PM


♥ Monday, November 30, 2009

idk.

never ever letting you go ): Y

11:08 PM


♥ Saturday, November 28, 2009

today holiday. went out see movie with kheelly and of cos darling. see the paranomal activities. the movie is like.. not movie liddat one. the camera keep shaking. like a realife video cam. make ppl v giddy. lol.

after that went to catch pig! caught a big fat pig for only $2. darling cnt keep at her hse so i have to bring home >.<

on the way home, my nose suddenly drip blood. a lot sia. i try and wipe and then all my hand is blood.. zzz... so paiseh sia on the bus. luckily nv kena the big fat pig.

dunno wads wrong with me today. so confused. am i dying?
im jus fking tired.


<3

never ever letting you go ): Y

1:31 AM


♥ Wednesday, November 25, 2009

the thought came back when i thought it was gone.
the brain turns down everything and focus on that
will my mum's dream come true?
idk how.

< 3

never ever letting you go ): Y

11:01 PM